Of all the possible acquisitions of duty and calling, a willingness to live above, around, and/or below redundant fear remains my most persistent thrust forward. I feel ‘living’ as existentially perilous, while at the same time experientially safe. As such, paradoxical notions of truth inspire in me ample considerations of evaluating wonder!
In these viral ‘stay-at-home’ days (Of the COVID-19 epidemic) I have been exploring how to be in ‘wonder’ by enthusiastically playing in the geo-emotional zones of my heart and in nearby ocean waves. How I feel in both, and how I go deeper into both has been my play, how and where I learn.
I have noticed that I ponder the unknowable force of oncoming waves similarly to how I ponder how and why I ponder diving (or not) into life. Since I always go in, into both the ocean and into my heart, ‘why to’ seems purposely irrelevant (as well as somewhat irreverent).
‘When to’, and ‘how to’ spark in me a long standing and defining longing to feel; to feel myself journeying. And I dive into both primarily guided by a tenacity towards questing for meaning.
Diving into the ocean, choosing to surrender into the innocent magnitude of the ocean’s power as well as opening to the vastness of my emotional life, are places for me to seek (and to enjoy) the opportunity to connect with original meaning; to life and death, in love, as mortality, and with redemption (to hint at only a few!).
There is much to learn off shores and into the recesses of the heart. Without the questions of ‘why’ and ‘if” negated, I have only ‘when’ and ‘how’ to feel and to lead me into inevitable explorations of motion. To dive in, or to wait (as action), or to feel grief or love because it is there to feel, becomes meaningful moments of my lived way.
If the temporal brilliance of this poet continues to persist, I believe it will be me in (e)motions rather than physically or emotionally static. To meet a wave or to feel my feelings, are moments to feel myself in surrendering participation! It seems, this is my way to feel true, to feel truth.
‘Staying-at-home’ may look like restriction, but with my heart ready and with the ocean close by; the ongoing task to courageously learn about life and love remain for me well unrestrictable!